I'm also not quite sure how I work either. I don't really know how I start it all just spontaneously happens. Now that I think of it I do start off with a chord progression and a synth patch but that is starting to bore me and I don't like how it sounds.
So fuck rules and do what you want but don't fuck music theory I guess.
I think this may be one of my problems. I know what the tools do but I don't know how to use them and when. It's kind of like I know what a hammer and a screw driver do but I don't know which one to use and when to use them when building something. How do I learn this? Just experiment?
Also I do believe I have a lack of understanding of the components of a song. I'm going to google this after writing this but does anybody have any good info or resource on a subject like this?
I also don't really know who I am nor do I like who I am which I think is impacting my creative work because I don't know what I want.
1:Once you understand your process, the better you can get at refining your process. You eventually become faster at creating and doing because of that understanding. That's a component of time, so keep at it, and it will come. With right guidance and ALWAYS REMEMBERING THE GOAL YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE, will keep you well grounded and on the path to becoming skillful in this art form.
2:You need to know the foundation in which these creative processes are set upon. If i wanted to go do crazy things in physics, I might need to have my PHD in physics in order to do all those crazy things(or maybe at least graduate school if you want to get to the nitty gritty on engineering). Not saying you need a PHD in music or music production, but the same approach in gathering information and applying it will help you learn to learn, and grow that whole process.
With right understanding comes better decision making with in the reference point that has been agree upon by people who have set the standards for this art form (and really any thing).
3:You need to do research about how the tools work individually, and consider how it will work applicably in a mix. Then you will know where or not to choose certain effects in a mix, OR AT A CERTAIN POINT IN THE MIX OR KNOW HOW TO CONTROL WITH AUTOMATION AT A CERTAIN POINT IN A MIX (caps for emphasis;it's subtle consideration).
By number 3's logic, you should apply that to how your design sounds as well.
When all of those points are considered, you've set yourself up for growth, understanding, and the potential to come up with a solution to problems that will arise in your mix and creative process.
Knowing yourself and accepting yourself is a different philosophy, but still diffuses out into your work. There was a quote about finding your voice and when you eventually get there, you'd have already explored yourself so much so that you start to look for more collaboration in your process to create something new.
Keep it up, don't forget your goal, and look for ways to improve your self/creative process.
PS, you're going to be doing the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over again, until you become good. Seeking creative ways to do the same thing is what makes you more versatile and effective in the end. Best grab your thinking cap.