You might be able to find diagrams of what frequencies do what in each instrument, then tweak them according to what you want

That's exactly what he's asking for...

can't you just turn the kick down & bring the threshold down on the drum bus compressor? it might not sound good because i don't know what your kick & snare sound like but that's how you'd get the compressor to squash them equally. then you'd adjust the master limiter or the gain on the drum bus compressor to get 12db reduction again

Amaj is my go-to, so much emotion

I started this way back in January & am super proud of how it's turned out!