This is actually really good, especially for the first post

I'm sure this is just my personal preference but I kind of expected the kick to thump a little more, but it feels like it's fighting whatever you have going on in the sub. If you wanted to add more elements, maybe some sweeps or noise that builds a little tension, and perhaps crisp up the percussion a bit more. But Mat_Zo likes it so what do I know?! 

Maybe in the break, you can have another part of the vocal sample playing, then right before you bring back the main section of the track you can play the "bring your body back" part again?

I would just scratch the VIP and make the idea you have there the second drop of the original. The original is a little repetitive and some variation could be good as to keep listeners interested. The VIP doesn't really differ too much from the original, so if you just combine them in to one track with different drops that would solve both problems at once!

Also, I would add some "glitter" to it. Small details that just happens once or twice in the whole track. It seems you're going for somewhat of a minimalist feel to the track so don't overdo it; just a little sound effect here and there to make it unique.

finish this so we can fiiiiiinally put it out