there's a LOT of really good melodic stuff here. that section 0:20 to 1:01 is lovely!

my main issue with it is that there's a lot of complete silence. the silence at 1:01 is way too much, as is 2:02 to 2:20. i would definitely shorten those for sure. the soundscape at 2:22 is honestly gorgeous! but because of how long it takes to get between sections, it loses all sense of context. even in pure ambient stuff there's rarely NOTHING going on. even just some lowpassed pads or some foley. i feel the same way about the chords at 1:10. there's a lot silence, which is good and makes the chords more powerful, but it could use more dimension.

in general, i would try listening to some songs that you like the structure of. try to pull influence from there. how long are their breakdowns? when do the drums go away, when do they come back in? again, lots of great ideas, they just need to be fleshed out a bit and put together. keep at it!