there are some good ideas, but it also sounds like 5 different songs in one, and although theres no rule in music, no kick in a drop just doesn't feel right. The best tip i can give you is to remix songs, study their structure down to every detail. and once you've remixed atleast 3-4 of them, go back to making originals. if you don't know where to find songs to remix go to wavo.me.
anyways for a first song it shows some promise ! Keep up the good work !