Five of my immediate blood relatives are professional musicians or artists, and another two are serious amateurs with day jobs. (I worked in the film industry for 7 years, though I tended to stick to more technical work.) So while I can’t speak personally on what being a professional artist/musician is like, I do have a solid “backstage” perspective.
It seems like art/music has its rewarding moments, and it’s nice to be able to sleep in every day and not have to dress up basically ever. And of course there’s a lot of prestige and glamor associated with success in art or music—if you’re lucky enough to attain it.
But other than that, I don’t see any advantages to being a professional artist over having any other job where you love what you do, and a lot of those other jobs offer HMOs, 401Ks, and (most importantly) regular hours.
My guess is that most musicians who have both headlined a festival AND gotten married and had kids would say this: both experiences are incredible, but if you only get to pick one, get married and have kids. You can make music until the day you die, but getting married and having kids gets harder every day past sometime in your mid/late 20s, especially for women.
As someone who is married and a parent, I’d say that the pressure society puts on you to get married and have kids is a GOOD THING. Most people agree that starting a family is the most rewarding thing they’ve ever done, even if they also have successful careers doing something they love. That’s certainly the case for me.
So my advice is this:
1. If you want to be a professional musician, think real hard about the reality of what that would mean and why you want it. Don’t sugar-coat it: not all of it’s as glamorous as it seems. If you do this, and still REALLY want that life, then go for it 100%. Don’t let anything get in your way. Live and breathe music and everything that goes with it. Emulate the success of others. If at any point you realize you’re not that talented, that’s when you need to start working twice as hard. You should basically only stop doing music to eat or sleep. You should be composing melodies while you take a crap or mow your lawn. Also, forget about ever having kids or a wife or a family—if it happens later, great, but you might as well assume it won’t. (You don’t have to do all this in most other careers, but this is just the way working in any media field is.)
2. If you do want a spouse and kids and a family, do that as soon as possible. Figure out a way to provide for them, and bit by bit nudge over to a way of providing for them that you also like. (Or if you’re the mom, make sure you marry someone who can provide for you if you decide to focus on being a mom full-time. A lot of women end up deciding to do this even if they didn’t think they would at first.) The thing you end up doing doesn’t have to be what you always dreamed of since you were little, but eventually you’ll find something that suits your skills and personality, and you’ll discover what’s interesting about it and you’ll become really good at it. You’ll develop a career and then, as worrying about money becomes a thing of the past, you’ll be able to free up some time and resources to have fun making music at night and on the weekends. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s actually plenty of time and it’s a whole lot of fun. Share the music you make with your friends, or put it online and enjoy the feedback you get. Plus you’ll have the incomparable experience of having kids and a spouse who loves you. I know it sounds very “ordinary” but this is actually an extremely rewarding way to live—that’s why so many people do it.