Stylistically it's not my thing, so I can't judge how it might compare, so apologies iI can't be an authority on the structure.  To me though, the first build, while probably meant to fool the dance floor, could - from a DJ point of view - maybe not sit well as the energy drops off quite a bit. 

There's definitely energy there though, and the use of the heavy white noise as a lead instrument is kinda cool, reminded me of older, heavier Mauro Picotto when dropping back in.  I'm surprised, given how well that sound works with compressor pumping that you've not gone for that.  You've got a nice open image and I can understand why you might not want to pump compress it, but I'd side chain that noise with the kick - not loads, french style, but enough to make the track breathe, like the kick and the lead are pushing to get out of the speakers.

Hope that's helpful!