I wouldn't call it "failing miserably" -- it's not bad at all. But you asked for feedback so:

- The low end seems weak. The kick in particular has a nice "click" but really needs a low-end thump. You could layer a sub bass over the bass, and maybe distort or saturate the bass a bit to give it more presence.

- Some of the mixing seems off, the little 3-note melody gets too loud sometimes and overwhelms the mix (like at 3:30).

- The vocal samples sound grating and too loud sometimes. (2:10, 3:05)

- The whole thing needs more reverb, and I think mixing with some reverb and frequency cuts would help the issue with the high melody and the vocals.

- Arrangement: I like the slow buildup although it needs some subtle things going on at the beginning. I like the break at 2:25 although it's really simple. Since the track continues with the same melodies for 3 minutes after that, I think it needs a change or another break.

I'll answer specific questions if you have an idea of what's wrong... I like the basic groove and melody, though. It's kind of a chilled deep house vibe, like something for the end of a DJ set. With some minor mixing work it could be great.

I wouldn't call it "failing miserably" -- it's not bad at all. But you asked for feedback so:

- The low end seems weak. The kick in particular has a nice "click" but really needs a low-end thump. You could layer a sub bass over the bass, and maybe distort or saturate the bass a bit to give it more presence.

- Some of the mixing seems off, the little 3-note melody gets too loud sometimes and overwhelms the mix (like at 3:30).

- The vocal samples sound grating and too loud sometimes. (2:10, 3:05)

- The whole thing needs more reverb, and I think mixing with some reverb and frequency cuts would help the issue with the high melody and the vocals.

- Arrangement: I like the slow buildup although it needs some subtle things going on at the beginning. I like the break at 2:25 although it's really simple. Since the track continues with the same melodies for 3 minutes after that, I think it needs a change or another break.

I'll answer specific questions if you have an idea of what's wrong... I like the basic groove and melody, though. It's kind of a chilled deep house vibe, like something for the end of a DJ set. With some minor mixing work it could be great.

I really appreciate the feedback!! Yeah what I meant by failing miserably was with the mixing and mastering. I struggle a lot much with it—to the point of frustration. That's definitely where I need a lot of guidance. Going to make adjustments to the vocals and the melody as per your feedback and work my way from there.

Thanks! You mean like a build up using white noise?

Yeah, the build up could use something extra. White noise was just my proposal but maybe you know something better (risers, downlifters,...)

I have written a txt about how I mix and master, maybe it can be helpful to you.
http://theproducersforum.com/index.php?topic=1518.msg9220#msg9220

But remember to check out what works for you. Not everything what I or anybody else says is useful for you.