Only you can tell whether it's done or not
I just had to switch to headphones, so take my opinion on the low end with a bit of salt, but mixing-wise it sounds like the kick could use a little more character/attack/prominence. The bassy lead works well with the sub.
I'm finding the slow vibrato on the bell/pluck to be more irritating the more I listen. If it's a deliberate effect, it would serve the track better in smaller doses (ie on something that's not playing the whole time). This would also alleviate another problem with the pluck, I felt some pluck fatigue around the 6 minute mark. Also I think there's one quite dominant frequency in there that tends to grate on some of the higher notes, maybe try finding that and EQing it sensibly. You asked about the melody, I think it's fine. It's a bit melancholy, which is nice.
The strings are nicely cinematic, although perhaps harmonically a bit simple for the gravitas of the sound. Perhaps you could look into some more complex chords. I liked the lead string melody in the later part of the breakdown, it gave a nice sense of of tension. I hesitate to call your drop a drop, it's so soft
Which isn't innately bad, mind you!
I think the area that could be most improved are your accompanying drums, ie hats, claps/snares and percussion. I found the ornamental clap and snare patterns a bit basic and overdone. Some of the sounds you chose cover a pretty wide spectrum (shakers reach far down into the high mids, that sort of thing.) Cleaning that up will improve your track, but I recommend you listen to some more intricate patterns on tracks from the masters for inspiration as well!
