I think you could help the atmosphere of the track a lot by starting out with more lofi/subtle drums, rather than the crisp set you're using right now. Secondly, the synths are also a little too clean: playing around with distortion and saturation could help warm up their sound and make them feel more organic, as well as adding dirt and grit. Overall the idea is solid, but it needs work on the tone/presentation to get it where it needs to be